the fault in our stars (augustus' point of view)
by Thirushi Asheni
Summary: what if hazel died instead of augustus? the story with a twist told by augustus
1. Chapter 1 and 2

chapter 1

I now know why hazel grace was reluctant of "physical contact". She didn't want to hurt me. Hazel must have not wanted me to mourn over her as she thinks I might have for Caroline… but that's the thing about pain isn't it. It demands to be felt. She actually was a grenade, blasting of many hearts… well that's how life is. It's already a year after she left. Time flies literally. I'm still having a touch of cancer but the tumours stopped growing so that's something, right?

So I've stopped schooling, cause I can't handle more than what I'm going through right now I guess. And by the way I spend most of my time gaming with Isaac, my blind mate and writing up a sequel for an imperial affiliation for Hazel(I just hope it keeps up to her standards). Isaac has got over Monica (which is a relief) and life goes on I guess.

Well… I first met Hazel on that Wednesday, on that support group for cancer kids. I actually wasn't a member and at the time I had recovered from my osteosarcoma and was officially NEC. My friend, the currently blind, Isaac invited me to it. I arrived at the church and took the stairs. I was just standing around, I was a bit early I guessed, when she came in. She was holding a cookie and was pouring some lemonade into a Dixie cup. She was dragging cylindrical green tank on a wheeled cart connecting her by transparent tube which split behind her neck and lead to her nostrils. She had a slightly puffy face and was wearing a bit care-free attire. She was almost a spitting image of Caroline. I guess I must have been staring because she started staring back and I had to withdraw my gaze. When I looked back she flicked her eyebrows at me. She had green eyes. Caroline's were brown and she also had a darker complexion. Oh god, I'm already over her and now I'm comparing a girl that reminds me of V for vendetta to Caroline.

So this support group stuff carried on. I had to intro myself. "My name is Augustus waters. I'm seventeen. I had a little touch of osteosarcoma a year and half ago but today I'm here at Isaac's request"….

She also had to introduce herself. "I'm hazel. I'm 16. Thyroid with mets in my lungs. I'm ok" and that was all. She didn't participate in the support group much, I guess. Then Patrick (have I introduced him? No, I suppose. He was the leader or whatever in the support group. He really knew how to make a big deal of his ball-lessness.) asked me of my fears. "Augustus, perhaps you'd like to share your fears with the group", "he said.

"my fears?"

"yes"

"I fear oblivion" I said. Hazel Grace gave quite a nice explanation of oblivion. She was quite something.

I remember all the times we were together. We just hoped for everything to be okay. Well "okay" was our always….

Chapter 2

It was a miracle. I mean my cancer. I was literally infested by cancer as shown on my PET scan. I was just days away from my death, at the most weeks. No one was sure of my life. I even got Isaac and Hazel to write down eulogies…

It had been a mistake. A error. I was infested of cancer but I wans't at the doorstep to death. I stiil had a chance. A chance that I wish that I could've given to Hazel Grace.

I was admitted to the ER the night Hazel saved me when I was stupid enough to go out alone to buy a packet of cigarettes. Hazel…. She rushed herself and got out of breath. She was gasping for air the lat time I saw her _alive._

I regret it all. I got ahead of myself and put myself into danger. I had also called her and put her into danger. She had got underoxygenated. I literally killed her myself. That's what I had thought, but it turned out that it wasn't the case. Her tumor had grown in her lungs rapidly. Her lungs had been literally upto the neck with fluid.


	2. Chapter 2 (cont) and chapter 3

I was in disbelief. The doctors had guaranteed her recovery… but still…

I guess I had been mouthing my thoughts out aloud. The nurse came in and told me to calm down and that doctors make mistakes too…. But if they don't be perfect how are we supposed to cope.

I woke up when it was quite late. I glanced at my phone. It displayed 02:12 am. I got down from the bed. It was really dark so I fumbled around for the switch. I switched the light on. There were two other beds already occupied beside me. I went out just to get caught by a doctor. I was hoping to find hazel. I just guessed I should ask him.

"where do you think you are going, young man?"

"well.. I was admitted yesterday night and I found myself in the ward when I woke up. I suppose I must've been admitted with someone else… by the name Hazel Grace?"

"yes. She was admitted as you were taken into the OR"

"could you please lead me to her. I'm her… umm… I'm a close friend"

"I'm sorry to say but…."

 _My heart stopped._

"please sit here, your name is Augustus I assume"

"yes"

"I'm sorry to say but Hazel passed away last night. I was her doctor. She fought a lot. But there was no hope for the young lady. I'm sorry"

I got up. Stumbled and then held onto the rail.

"are you ok? Augustus? ! CALL THE DOCTOR IN CHARGE OF AUGUSTUS WA….."

Chapter 3

My mom came in. I was to be discharged that day. I got up and washed. After getting ready I went out for some fresh air. I saw the doctor that was in charge of Hazel (the one I met in the corridor last night). I was about to stride upto him when I saw Hazel's mom. She came upto me. Her eyes were red and puffy. I guess any mom would look like that after her daughter dies.

"goodmorning Augustus."

"goodmorning"

"the funeral is on Sunday"

"I'll come."

She was dressed in a white dress. Her puffy face had gone. She was beautiful. All I remembered was _V for Vendetta….._

[a month later]

"there is a door on the right…. Woah"

"that's it SHOOT"

"nooo… the prisoner!"

"shoot! Shoot now!"

-GAME OVER-

"I told you."

"I can't kill the prisoner"

"you and your damn prisoner. We were at the last level. We could've completed the mission"

"ok I get it, Isaac"

He raised his eyebrows in a I-won-the-argument style.

"COME DOWN FOR LUNCH"

"OK MOM" and to me "you eat spinach? My mom makes awesome spinach" and winked at me.

He knew I hate spinach.

At the dining table.

"so you are starting college tomorrow"

"yes"

"you guys won't be able to shout and play as often now"

"is Isaac getting his tutoring classes tomorrow?"

"yes"

We played another mission and I went home.

"I'M HOME, MOM"

I crept into my room and opened my notebook. I started writing. Again.

I was writing a sequel to An imperial affilation. I've been obsessed with the story since Hazel introduced me to it. It ended in midsentence. Without a proper ending. I didn't care much about the girl. She must've died or been too ill to continue the story. What I was curious about was the dutch tulip man, anna's mom and mostly Sisyphus the hamster. The trip to peter van houten had been a total disaster. I guess I'd crashed the dream of Hazel. Peter van houten had fallen of his pedestal in Hazel's mind after the trip. I wanted to present Hazel with the answers to her questions. That's why I started writing the sequel to AIA. But I wasn't imaginative as she was. I wanted a nice ending for the Sisyphus the hamster in particular.


End file.
